The Nile is a difficult “letting go.” A hard release. A gut-wrenching surrender.
It was for Moses’ parents. It is for me.
Tonight I stand on the riverbank of the Nile and watch my son from a distance as he boards a plane at Raleigh-Durham International Airport, heading toward the mountainous regions of Bolivia. He will spend ten days at an orphanage, tilling the land, repairing the chicken coops, working on latrines, and playing a pick-up game of soccer on every occasion.
He will bathe little; sleep even less. Stomach Bolivian delicacies and try his best to speak the language he’s been intensely studying as his college minor. He’ll make me proud, of that I am sure. Others will love him, of that I am more certain.
And while all of this makes my heart smile with gratitude for the man he is becoming, there is a pang of sadness for me. Not because I desire to keep Nick to myself, but rather because I won’t be alongside to watch the unfolding of this “fine child” before the eyes of others. Moments and memories that I’d like to scrapbook for myself will be given as a remembrance to those who stand further down the river’s bank, eagerly awaiting his arrival and anticipating his participation in their lives.
I see the bigger picture; it’s been growing in me for a long season. God has amply supplied me with a series of “letting go’s” that continue to shape my heart for sacred surrender. They always make me cry, and I’ve never shied away from their wet. I simply allow the tears a spacious place to land in order to water the growth of my tender soil … my fragile soul. I pray them not to be too much, but rather just enough to seed my pain with some purpose.
It’s a good prayer to pray, especially because our “letting go’s” are going to arrive. It is the way of a forward journey, regardless of our willingness to stand still and not move one moment beyond this one. How much better would it be to allow our moments of “needful release” to birth in us a sacred shaping that will serve a better end—both ours and God’s.
Moses’ parents understood this better than most. They were commended for their faithful release and duly memorialized for it in the Hebrews “hall of faith”:
“By faith Moses’ parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw that he was not an ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king’s edict.” (Hebrews 11:23).
By faith, they hid their son. By faith, they released their son. By faith, they watched their son from a distance. By faith, they understood that their son was no ordinary child, but rather a “fine child” destined for a better end than that of most of his contemporaries.
By faith, we should equally trust our Father with the release of our children to the River Nile.
They’re all “fine.” Special and beautiful and worthy of the nod of heaven. Like Moses’ parents, from the moment they’re born, we hide them. Shelter them beneath our wings because we understand that while heaven has marked them with eternity, hell has marked them otherwise. For destruction—as ordinary, expendable, unremarkable, and worthy of the nothing more than a swift slaughter simply because they carry the bloodlines of a King.
But three months passes quickly. Eighteen years for most of us. For a few of us, a painful and difficult less. For a few of us, a painful and struggling more. Still and yet, there comes for all of us a moment at the river’s edge. A time of release when we must find our peace at a distance and trust that Father God has something bigger and something beyond us that awaits our children on the other side of our hard surrender.
We may not see his wisdom in it all; rarely do we catch a full glimpse of our children’s forever. But occasionally we have an inkling—a heavenly whisper reminding us that, indeed, there is a wisdom that exceeds understanding. A “more” that is coming because of our willingness to “let go” and “let God.”
Tonight, I “let go” again of the son I dearly love. It won’t be the last time my heart is called upon to make such a surrender. But I do so in the spirit and strength of my spiritual ancestors who better understood the painful trust of a difficult release. Thus, I speak these words of release to my Nick as he flies the night sky and as I try to find him there, amidst the stars and dark that separates our flesh…
Go with God this night, my son. Sail the Nile with all the trust of heaven to guide you, shape you, strengthen you, and mold you into the man that God has intended for you to be. I will be keeping watch, but my arms aren’t long enough to catch you this time. God has orchestrated events accordingly. He means for me to stand on the riverbank while you engage with the wild and wet of a river that calls for your participation. You are a fine child, and you were meant for more than my arms. You were meant for the world. Embrace it, and it will embrace you. It’s time that others discover the wealth of who you are.
And just in case they don’t, if for some reason they reach any other conclusion, you can be certain that I’ll be waiting at the river’s edge to welcome you home and to remind you of just how extraordinary you truly are. I love you, Nick. I’ll see you on the other side of your river’s ride.
Oh, Elaine…my heart beats so closely with yours! Your beautiful, touching post brings tears to my eyes. The pain of letting go is eased only by the knowledge that God loves our boys and wants the best for them even MORE than we do.
This part of your post really spoke to me:
"By faith, they hid their son. By faith, they released their son. By faith, they watched their son from a distance. By faith, they understood that their son was no ordinary child, but rather a 'fine child' destined for a better end than that of most of his contemporaries.
By faith, we should equally trust our Father with the release of our children to the River Nile."
Standing together with you…by faith.
Love you, my friend…
Beth
I think I found your blog at about this same time last year. I remember your 'letting go,' but also the 'coming home.' I totally understand the aspect of missing the chance to be alongside and see what they're seeing and how they're growing. I have opportunity to miss much smaller things. But I have to say that I love those moments of delight when I am surprised by the revelation of a new discovery or new maturity that they attained without me. It helps me to trust them to "the Nile" to see that they're equipped at the core to grow in grace.
I look forward to your Nick's return and the summary of his experience. Blessings on you as you feel his absence until then.
Mary
It is the "by faith" thing that is sometimes so hard for us isn't it? I will be praying for Nick as he ventures beyond the length of your arms. But we both know that he is never far from God's arms! I am sure he will touch lives while he is there. Send him knowing you have done an awesome job of raising him and that he makes God smile!!!
Love ya!!
Precious friend, my heart is with you and your handsome son and my prayers are going along with you and so many others for him.
I asked the LORD to also minister to your heart as you release Him to do what God has willed.
He is under God's care…
Love you.
Although we don't catch a full glimpse of our forevers, God most certainly does and He is already in our tomorrows. I know you are so proud of Nick and I know that he will bless the people of Bolivia in amazing ways. You have done well, Elaine, in raising a fine child!!
Leah
This touched me in the deepest places. Not only are you blessed, Elaine, with such a son, but he is so blessed to have you.
Love you,
Melinda
Thank you Elaine for my mommy heart reads this post this morning from a perspective of needing confirmation. Confirmation that my faith and trust is standing firm on the bank that God has asked me to stand on. For our picture paints a little different and the colors are of different shades…but we join in placing our little boy into the river soon…oh so soon…for in just a few months our first little guy will be going into kindergarten…into a public school to be the light of Jesus in his circle of influence. Thank you for sharing Gods words with my heart this morning. I love you my friend!
Oh, Elaine, I am deeply moved by your post. As my teen and pre-teen move further and further from me, into their own I know my Nile moment(s) looms in the distance.
"Shelter them beneath our wings because we understand that while heaven has marked them with eternity, hell has marked them otherwise." Yes! We trust God, but need to realize the enemy has other plans. I sometimes focus on the first part, about trusting God, and forget about the second. We must be ever-vigilant.
Kudos to Nick for taking such a bold step with this trip. You've raised a fine, godly, young man who has a heart for Jesus and love for his neighbors. I know this moment is bittersweet, but your love for him overflows the boundaries of this post and pours on us all…you've blessed me.
I will be praying for him…and for you.
BLessings and prayers, my friend,
Kelli
Simply put, beautiful.
xoRebecca
Wow!
Elaine,
You should be one proud momma! This post reveals that you are so much so! And he should be so proud of you too! Your heart for your son is extremely evident and so touching here.
Blessings to you and your son,
Christy
Elaine, you said: "For a few of us, a painful and struggling more. A time of release when we must find our peace at a distance and trust that Father God has something bigger and something beyond us that awaits our children on the other side of our hard surrender. An occasional heavenly whisper reminding us that, indeed, there is a wisdom that exceeds understanding. A "more" that is coming because of our willingness to "let go" and "let God.""
This is what I hang onto. It's what affords me another day knowing that God is in control of my out of control daughter's life. I leave it all to HIM. I trust Him to handle it His way. Even though my soul hurts over my daughter's mess of a life. I know God has plans that I don't know of for her. I simply await for the plans to all fall into place. 'Thank You Father for the grace and mercy you pour over me and to care for & love me. In Jesus' name, amen.'
Hey Mrs. Elaine, this is a touching post about your son. That is cool that he is involved in missions like that. Missions are such spiritual growth opportunities. Thank you so much for praying for me, for being concerned for me. Somehow the fact that you shared with me about bleeding and cramping with your pregnancy gives me more hope that I am ok. Blessings to you, Mrs. Elaine. Looking forward to seeing you all later this month in Gatlinburg!:)
katiegfromtennessee
Dear God please bless and protect Nick as he seeks to serve you. And please be especially near his Mama, Elaine while he's so far away. Amen
You're so right. It is a difficult time, letting go little by little. I'll tell you something that has been really hard for me. When my kids have gotten grown up, married, found their "own" church, have jobs and all that goes with all the above….then someone who works with them or goes to church with them tells me something about them that I don't know! The first time that happened I was so "tore up" that other people knew things about my child that his Mama didn't know! But, I guess that's the way life is. I would not want to keep them home with me all their life either. So, I guess the Mama Bird knows best when she pushes her young out of the nest so they can live freely on their own.
Love ya,
Marilyn
Yes! What a wonderful reminder. Praying for your Nick, for letting go, and for your mama heart.
Praying for you… and your fine child. Having an only child… all of my firsts are also my lasts…
Elaine, my heart is full after reading your eloquent journey with your son. You are a godly mother, and God will bless you and your children for your dedication to Himself and them. For the seeds of faith you have sown in the their lives, you will reap a great harvest.
Your son has and will make you proud. What a life-transforming experience this trip will be for him! You know his steps are ordered by One higher than us, and He will keep your son in the palm of His hand.
Your words are powerfully rich. Thank you for sharing this beautiful analogy.
Blessings,
Andrea
Breathtaking.
Simply breathtaking.
I'm at a loss for words, really. Well, I take that back — I have a few words here to share.
I have two young children at home, and I am at a different stage in life than what you share here. But boy, did this hit home.
Tonight in my journal, I talked to God about some parenting issues I've been having. It would take too long to explain it here, but know this: You were part of a VERY quick answer to that prayer. He spoke to me through you.
We're called upon to let go time and again, aren't we? I pray that God will accomplish His purposes in each of you lives!
I have often wondered how his Mom let go of him and placed him into the arms of the Egyptian princess when he went off to be her son. Did he cry and cling to his mom? Was he brave and solemn? I imagine her collapsing inside her doorway and bawling her eyes and heart out.
Letting go certainly can't be easy. Some of us are required to do it in ways that pierce to the soul. And yet there is a beautiful redemptive story that must be completed, and letting go is required for that story to have it's finish. Elaine, you have a way of bringing out the beauty and the pain (in a very good way!), that is so honest and real and hopeful. Keep it up.
So many partings! My niece is off to the Dominican Republic to do the same thing! Our son is interviewing for a position teaching English in China. My husband leaves soon for Australia. You are a good mom. A good mom sends. We cry, too. Thanks for a sweet post.
It amazes me how every season of life brings unique pruning experiences. You are one that abides in the vine and the vinedresser is pruning you to produce more God glorifying fruit. Thank you for your life example as you live a season I don't know yet…as well as live in the season I'm in with your youngest two. You are a blessing to me…your posts always get my eyes up on our BIG GOD!
I hope this comment does not get lost in all of the other ones.
You have been awarded the ONE LOVELY BLOG AWARD.
Instructions can be found on my blog…please go there.
I could not post the picture so go to Raye Ann blog and see if you can.
Enjoy, June
Beautiful son.
Beautiful love between mother and son.
Beautiful God. And holy. And strong.
Beautiful story of letting go.
Beautiful tears.
Yours.
And mine.
That was a touching post. Thanks for sharing it.
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
I just posted the last Disney post….
Hope you will enjoy it.
Stop by when you have some time.
I love all my new blog friends.
I am in this struggle of knowing when to fade in and out. Your post today has really touched my heart. Blessings sweet sister.
May the Lord reap a great harvest for His kingdom's glory because of the seeds planted in Bolivia this week!!!!
I love being a southern girl. I once took a trip above the mason dixion line, it was such fun watching them try to be a southern bell.
Glad to meet you my friend.
June
There I go again, crying while I read your post. I still remember bawling when I read your post about Nick leaving for college. Don't forget that if life goes the way us parents hope, our children will be the ones saying the greatest goodbye to us until eternity's embrace.
Wasn't he in Bolivia last year too? What an amazing young man. A heart for the Lord that makes even this blog-friend's proud mama heart beat louder. Geesh, Elaine have I got a daughter for him! I think it's time we start praying for that. ;O) I hope you're gonna be home in the next few hours. I wanted to try and give you a jingle.
Oh my goodness Elaine…this is such a keeper!!!!!! I just feel like I'm standing on the bank with you…and my toes being teased by the water's rise and fall, knowing that next year my "basket" sets sail for a greater letting go.
BEAUTIFUL reflection and lesson in the 'reeds'.
Praying for you and Nick,
Hugs,
Joy
ahhh… I know the feeling. I have 8 children, and I cried (happy and sad tears) for each of them when they left home. (just writing this is choking me up)
A mother wants her children to grow up and follow God's leading; but at the same time, she longs to hold them close for just a little bit longer.
Thanks for sharing your heart.
Yvonne (Vonnie)
http://mybackdoorministry.blogspot.com
Elaine,
I totally understood when you wished that you could be there to see those precious moments that others will see…that show God's life in him…
my 15 yr.old gives me brief snapshots, his teachers give me another…then I see some of the papers that he writes for school and I get more snapshots…how I wish I could have them all to record the eternal moments…
then again, we do have a Recorder, taking in every moment, delighting in every step taken that was ordained for him…it is hard to grasp that the Recorder is doing the very same for me…
so proud of Nick and his Mom!
Love, Sita
God's kingdom purposes call him. Letting go is hard but so worth it when you know it is all in God's hands and His Sovereign plan.
My oldest daughter and her husband and three children will be moving to Haiti as full time missionaries this coming January. They live in FL now – but that move will be a lot different.
People keep asking me how I feel about it. I simply tell them that she is the one [of my 3]that I always prayed would be a full-time missionary – so those prayers are finally being answered. She's 34 years old.
I have not yet faced that letting go part. Thanks for giving me a glimpse.
Choosing JOY,
Stephanie
[JESUS – the One I Worship]