“We’re growing older, realizing we cannot stop the hands of time.”
So said my elder friend in her annual Christmas greeting to my family. I felt the profundity of her proclamation. It’s nothing new; it just hit me harder this go around, struck me in the center of my heart. We’ve all heard it before, maybe even said it a time or two, a comment about our inability to halt the progression of time.
I’m not sure I really want to . . . stop time, but there have been a few occasions when I’ve felt some pain regarding its passage. At the core, I imagine it’s my desire to hold more of it . . . to manage time and to dispense it as I see fit. I find this yearning in others as well. It’s not always obvious, but every now and again, someone lets it slip . . . a word or two of regret that lingers as sadness rather than fond remembrance.
I heard it from my daughter’s lips on Christmas day when she realized that her unwrapping was over. Instead of savoring each gift, she tore into her treasures and could only watch as the rest of us lingered with our piles. She couldn’t stop the clock, and while tucking her in bed that evening, I saw the tears welling in her eyes as hope disappeared into the night with her whisper, “I wish we could do it all over again; I wish tomorrow were Christmas.”
I heard it in myself on Christmas day while listening to the CD my husband made for me of my eldest son’s 1998 cassette rendition of “It’s Carol Time”—song after song of Nick singing a cappella his favorite carols from the hymnal. In 1998, he was nine years old—a boy just discovering his voice via a microphone and a tape player. In 2012, a man now twenty-three, still discovering his voice. And I cried at the passage of time—this brief blip on the radar of my life that came and went by rapidly, almost without notice.
I heard it in my mother’s voice during a phone conversation this afternoon . . . a word or two that led me to believe there’s more to the story than meets the eye. That the passage of time has her, too, wondering about the swiftness of it all. A Christmas come and gone with but a few, brief memories that might easily fade with time.
Three generations of Killian women, all of us thinking on and digging into the depths of what it means to live a life too hastily and to know that no matter our longings, we cannot slow the hands of time. We can only live time as time arrives.
It’s a difficult thing to weigh it all out, especially when emotions run wildly and hearts are easily wounded by realities that cannot be manipulated, only experienced. Perhaps this is why so many of us struggle this time of year. We’re positioned for remembrance, for reflection. We don’t get to manage the calendar. December 25th comes for all of us, whether or not we’re prepared for its arrival. It’s thrust upon us, and we must walk it through.
Yes, we’re fine with remembering the Savior’s birth; his story lived way back then. But what about ours . . . our right now? Christmas also positions us to remember the birth of other things, other seasons in our lives; in doing so, we live the weightiness of the passage of time. It can be a grievous contemplation; accordingly, it shouldn’t be overlooked or underestimated. Instead, it should be given room enough to breathe, thereby allowing our grief a good release, a tilling up of the soil that cradles grief’s roots for the new seeds that God longs to plant therein—a fresh planting of the Lord to supplement the soil of our yesterdays.
If we cannot heartily grieve, then we cannot healthily move forward. We must acknowledge the pain that we feel regarding the passage of time; in doing so, we’re better prepared for the steps that lie ahead. Carrying grief or carrying regret into our tomorrows will limit forward progression. This doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t feel it; it simply means that we should live it as it arrives—recognize it, speak it, and give it the respect its due. This is how we gain better perspective. This is how we live truthfully before God and before his created. This is how we work it out and release some of the heaviness attached to time’s seemingly, increasing cadence.
We are growing older, friend, with each moment we’re allowed. It’s true; we cannot stop the flow of time. We can, however, live our moments authentically, wholly, and wonderfully engaged with the process. I don’t know what this will look like for you in coming days, but for me, it looks like this—a stringing together of a few words and thoughts from time to time that most accurately portray the stirrings of my heart. Perhaps they will stir yours as well, allowing you a moment or two of reflective pause, enabling you to put a few words to your story. If so, then this has been time well spent—sixty minutes of my life that I cannot reclaim, only release forward . . . to you. Do with them what you will; live them as you are able. Live your moments as they come so that you, too, can release them to your history with highest regard and without terrible regret.
And just in case you’re wondering, you mean the world to me. The time that you give to me is a rich grace from God. I love you each one.
Peace for the journey,
Ah yes…the grace to live it as it arrives and not to carry it as a weight into the future. Learning this truth myself. It isn’t easy to do but a necessary tssk. Thank you for the gentle gift that I do not walk this road alone.
Merry Christmas, Elaine. May 2013 be full of grace and the wonder of God.
I think one of the reasons God gives us “winter” is to allow us the stripping away of things that easily weigh us down. In winter, our lives looses a few, dead leaves. Something tells me this is not a bad thing; perhaps one of the reasons winter is a favorite of mine. I know I’ll come out both leaner and fuller by spring. Shalom, sister.
Very simply, I needed your words this morning. Thank you again Elaine for sharing deep truths that cause our hearts to stop and ponder and then realign. I appreciate you!!
With love and a hug for a “far-away” friend!
Margi
And very simply, I needed yours, Margi! Thanks for being here and for giving me some of your time today. Live boldly and fully in the moment sister.
I have found myself dwelling and pondering these very things these last couple of days. I sat yesterday in the hospital beside my mom who was sleeping, just looking at her hands. Looking at her hands and remembering those hands as they had done so many various different tasks through the years. Rolling out the dough to make her annual Christmas cinnamon rolls, scrubbing dishes in the kitchen, ironing my dad’s shirts, brushing my hair, and covered in the rings she loves to wear. Each year slips by and time marches on, and we are all swept along as we go from season to season. Yes, living our time as it arrives and embracing it as it is, enables to move forward with purpose and grace. Wonderful post Elaine, and so timely for me.
A painful tug at times, is it not, Debbie? I think the remembrance (whether through tears of joy or tears of sadness) shapes our heart for the greater pilgrimage toward God. His story of growth, from Bethlehem to Calvary and beyond, better enables us to see time for what it is . . . a gift. His story should also bring us great comfort as we try to manage our emotions therein. Blessings, friend.
wifeforthejourney:
“If we cannot heartily grieve, then we cannot healthily move forward.” Nothing can slip by so quickly and yet provoke such passionate feelings as time. We spend our early years longing to be older; we become parents and we long for our children to reach at least some level of independence; we pursue our goals hoping that the next big thing is just over the horizon – THEN we look back and wonder where the time has gone. This year has included more than a few moments for me where I have grieved over the moments of life that I have “wished away.” Its not that I’m feeling guilty today, I’m just joining the rest of the 40+ crowd (as we reflect on days-gone-by) discovering that there seems to be a lot more highs than lows we’ve lived through.
So I grieve, honestly, that I can only relive life as well as I remember it. BUT I’m also thankful today that I have a wife, parents, in-laws, children, extended family and friends who can lend me their own memories. Certainly Heaven will include a celebration of memories of this life as part of our worship of God. Thank you Lord for the many blessings of my past, and the future that awaits everyone whose heart belongs to You!
Love you,
Billy
Thank you for always helping me to remember, Billy, even when I’d rather forget. I love you.
Well said, my dear Elaine. Well said.
As you know, my heart beats to the same rythym. I’m pondering all things pertinent. Life IS short … and as I’ve said sooooo often, “I’m now closer to the grave than the cradle.” It’s startling, clarifying and true. It’s also the best way I know to calculate all that truly matters; to grip God’s best and not simply be satisfied with what’s good.
If I grieve at all (and I do), it’s for the myriad moments I’ve squandered. Now is the time to squander no more and make a memory of every breath: For His glory & my great joy!
Me thinks, Sassy friend, that even in those moments you feel you’ve squandered, you’ve actually been a dispenser of grace. Even in writing your comment here, you’ve written life and breath to me this day. Keep to it. You really can’t help yourself. It’s what God made you for.
Beautifully said, as always.
Every year it seems God teaches me some sort of takeaway for the year. This year’s takeaway was about time as well. Without boring you with the backstory, I came to realize that THIS moment is all that’s real. The past is no more real than the future. The past is processed memories, sometimes carried forth in scars and hurt and joy and living with decisions we’ve made. The future is about our hopes and dreams. Neither the past nor the future are real at this moment in time. Only this moment is. And as you say, we need to embrace it and live it intentionally.
I heard a profound quote this year as well: The days are long, but the years are short. I think about this in the parenting experience. Some days seem so incredibly long when they are sick–when they are misbehaving–when they’ve gotten into trouble and perhaps broken our hearts. But then one day we look back and think how quickly the years have gone by with our children growing up in the blink of an eye.
Anyway, as you say…we need to stay focused on the present, for in this moment lies real life.
Love that quote, Shirley. Even some of my days feel “short” right now. Perhaps it’s because I’m not quite awake until noon;)! Thank you for sharing some moments with me this year and for this one, right now! I love you dearly.
Continuing to think about this, Elaine.
Powerful reflection on the passage of time. The words that ran through my head while reading “live intentionally”. I often ‘run’ through my days and don’t give it a second thought; I forget to savor the moments. Thank you for the reminder.
Thank you for being here today, Iris. I’m savoring this morning conversation with all of you. A needful coffee break in the midst of “winter”. Peace.
I’ve tried to hang on to some of those precious moments in time. Other times, I’ve wished for the difficult moments in life to be over and done with. Typical, I guess. Happy or sad, it’s important for us to learn from every moment, understanding each one is necessary for our growth.
It’s probably a good thing that God has not allowed me the ability to speed up or slow down the progression of my journey…I’m still learning that my ultimate destination is based on His timing, not mine.
One thing I’m truly grateful for is the time Bill and I get to spend with you and Billy…every moment spent together is precious to us. Love you dearly…
I keep coming back around to the Christmas song “Away in a Manger” and the line that goes ” . . . and fit us for heaven to live with thee there.” God is “fitting us” for heaven, even now, even in the times that prick our hearts and minds with pain and confusion. We must keep the bigger picture in mind or all hope is lost. Honestly, how does the world exist without the hope of Jesus? You know we love you too!
Wow Elaine, this is deep but well written my friend. Time does seem to just fly by these days. But it is important to look back, mourn the losses and celebrate the good things. It reminds me to thank God for His faithfulness too. I think it’s important to realize how quickly time passes so we go about what the Lord has called each one of us to do with the time we have left on this earth.
Blessings and love,
Debbie
This reminds me of something my eldest son told me while out on a walk recently. He said that instead of making a New Year’s resolution that emphasizes (perhaps) a weakness or something we’ve not done right in the previous year (thereby correcting it with a New Year’s resolution), we should take time to focus on what we’ve done well in the past year–those good things that we’ve accomplished with God’s help. Thus far, our Lord has greatly helped us. He will continue to do so. Press on, Debbie. Live your faith forward. God has much yet to accomplish in you and through you.
We love you, too, Elaine, and I so appreciate the time you spend joining me over at my blog as well. I’m so thankful we’ve connected this way. By the way, I was thrilled that Kristin gave me your book as a Christmas gift. Thanks so much for signing it and sending it to her so she could give it to me! 🙂 Many blessings, dear friend, in the New Year!
Always a blessing to spend time with you, Cheryl. I pray you receive great encouragement from these words.
Somehow, you ALWAYS hit the nail right on the head for me. I have been trying to figure out my lack of “Christmas spirit” this year, and I came to the conclusion that it is because I long for the days when the kids were little and Christmas seemed just a bit more majical, more special. I think I don’t want to admit that those days are over and I am in a new season of my life. I don’t know if I like this season! But it is a season non-the-less.
I am soaking in your words this evening my friend! Thanks for always having just the right words to soothe my soul! I hope you had a Merry Christmas and that you and your family will enjoy a blessed 2013!!!!
I’m right there with you, Lori, as I have been all season. Christmas is a mixed bag of emotions. I’m ready to pack away the trinkets and focus on the treasure of family, friends, and faith. Praying you unwrap the tender mercies of Jesus as you walk these final steps of 2012!
My pastor once commented on the fact that we always seem to imagine time as moving quickly. He suggested maybe that feeling is because we are beings created for eternity and not for time; we are living in a world and under constraints that we were not created for.
I like that thought. I even more like the idea of Heaven having no time limits. How freeing that will be!
I like that thought too, Sarah. God has set eternity into the hearts of his people. We cannot escape our destiny. No wonder our wrestling with temporal constraints.
With eyes to the sky, we march onward; very soon we will know our freedom from these chains. Blessings and peace as you move forward with Hope!
Amen.
I hope you’re on the mend, Denise. My heart is with you.
I think you took my heart and put it on paper. WOW! So much of this can I relate to…the grieving part so I can go forward…so much of this just spoke to the aching of my heart and allowed me to continue to intentional live.
Great, great post
Thank you, Janette. Grieve knowing you are not alone; you are tenderly loved and remembered by our Lord.
I love your line, “We must acknowledge the pain that we feel regarding the passage of time; in doing so, we’re better prepared for the steps that lie ahead.” So true. So valuable this time of year. May the Lord bless your 2013 immensely.
Blessings!
I’m looking at your Christmas card as I type this. It has been a tough year for you, sister, for many of us. I love seeing the glow on your face as you posture your heart for more from the Lord!
Time is such an elusive thing. It’s no wonder we have a hard time measuring it out, living in the moment, or making time stand still. I love your comments about the passage of time can be a grievous contemplation, but one that’s healthy and needed if we’re to move forward. With God’s help, I’ve been able to reflect on the loss of my darling James as well as the time we had together. Both have been blessings.
XOXOXO,
Brenda
I know these have been a rough couple of years for you, Brenda, but through them all, you’ve pressed forward in faith and with immense hope! Oh, that we would all take your lead. Let’s lift up our heads and our hearts as we make pilgrimage into a new season. I know the Lord is blessing you, even now, because of your obedience. I love you dearly.
And we love you, our dear Elaine, and thank you for every time you put words and thoughts to blog page for our betterment. Our ABBA surely has only good for we His Girls in 2013. Many Blessings!!
I’m counting on it, Kathie! Let’s move forward with hope.
I so love how you think. And that you take the time to write it. I love how this gives the permission to be human, and also the call to walk on. To pause, feel, and move forward.
Thanks for visiting me Elaine. I love hearing from you and the prompts to come on over for a cup of water. God bless you and your family in 2013! Praying for peace for your journey beautiful woman of God! 🙂
I love visiting your place, Kathy. There’s something very beautiful, unique, and authentic about the life you are living. Maybe it’s those wide-open spaces that surround your life. In many ways, visiting you is like sitting down with a favorite novel. I easily get transported into your world! Blessings.
Elaine,
Christmas strikes a melancholy in me, too. I love everything about Christmas, I look forward to Christmas and it is gone before I know it. Christmas strikes melancholy because of being a child once and reveling in the mystery and magic of Christmas. Listening to the ancient story about this baby named Jesus and at the same time, waiting anxiously for Santa to come through the door (we didn’t have a chimney so he had to come through the door!). Now they are but memories.
Christmas strikes a melancholy that my kids have grown and those precious moments of absolute glee for Christmas morning is past. Children bless us with the greatest memories, both good and bad.
Christmas strikes a melancholy because it reminds me I had cancer and December was the month of incredible grieving for the loss of life I once knew. But December is also the month my healing began.
I am grateful for the past Christmases and Decembers, I reservedly look forward to the New Year. I am comfortably in between right now. My daughter is to marry, the start of an inexplicable journey, a journey that no mother can prepare her daughter. And my parents are well but aging and I wonder, “will this be the year?”
Life is delicate and in need of respect. What will 2013 bring?
Delighted to have found your blog!
Always,
Cyndi
http://advocateofhope.wordpress.com
It’s going to be something, Cyndi. “What” I cannot say; I can only trust in God to carry me through each and every moment of 2013!
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