
I am bothered by Jacob’s love for his sons. His parceling of love and partiality toward Joseph doesn’t befit his patriarchal identity. This father of twelve should have loved better. More perfect…more even. But he didn’t. Some would argue God’s will in the matter. I would argue man’s will postured toward personal preference. Either way it feels wrong, and it tears at the core of every human heart who has known the second penchant of a parent’s affection.
Joseph’s brothers knew the positioning of a second love. And as so often the case when love is labeled, bitterness seeds a root, and anger grows a tree. It was a seeding that would cost Joseph his freedom, his brothers a deep sin, and his father a profound grief. If only Jacob had known what his preferred loving—his imperfections in parenting would cost him…would cost others…then, maybe, he would have chosen a better path.
Maybe I would.
Imperfect parenting. Guilty as charged.
That was the label I wore recently, as I lashed out at my sixteen-year-old son over a situation that required my intervention. It wasn’t pretty. In fact, it was out of control. Emotion won out over reason, and within the course of a moment, I had stripped my son of his ornamental robe and reduced him to a weeping that would later bring me my own tears of sorrowed repentance.
I screwed up. And while my involvement in the situation was necessary, it could have been handled differently. This is a familiar chorus that I have echoed over the past nineteen years. To chronicle my failings as a parent would take too long, require too much ink, and undoubtedly, would have most of you wondering why I am bothering to pass along any parenting thoughts at all.
I wonder that myself. In fact, if I am not careful in this moment, I could easily allow myself a quick dive into one of my frequently visited pits—worthlessness. But God reminds me that he is after something in this moment. God is after truth—a little salt and light and seasoning for the road ahead. He reminds me that there is no profit in pretend. No merit in the masking. No sacred in the secrets.
He simply asks me to live my life out loud and as real. And real, for me, has sometimes meant a hurtful wrong for my children. What I choose to do with that “real” harbors the seed for their tomorrow. Self-preservation always seeds temporary, but humbled confession always seeds eternal. And I want my children to grow eternally through me (mistakes and all), rather than simply in spite of me.
Thus, when humbled and needed confession becomes my necessary, the I’m sorry’s and will you forgive me’s find their voice. Never once have my children denied me their forgiveness. Never once has my Savior denied me his.
Instead of my imperfection becoming fertile soil for a bitter root, my Father tills it as a demonstration of his unimaginable grace. In laymen’s terms…God can take my screws ups and use them for his kingdom purposes.
Does that merit the sin? Not at all.
But God’s grace is a transforming work. The reality of our sin—the memories of all our regrets and wishes for a “do over”—well, it isn’t the final word in the matter. Jesus Christ is the final Word. And sometimes, our biggest imperfections become the eternal embrace of our Father who offers his perfected punctuation in the end.
“But Joseph said to them, ‘Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.’” (Genesis 50:19-20).
The saving of many lives. Who could have known what Jacob’s imperfect parenting would harvest? God knew, and he knows the same where we are concerned.
I don’t know how this strikes you in the midst of your parenting today…in the daily grind of raising faith in the lives of your children and grandchildren and of those who live under your influence. It strikes me hard, but it gives me hope.
I cannot fully see the end of yesterday’s parenting mistakes. I remember some of them, but most have been forgotten, swept away by the love of my children whose forgiveness breathes deep and whose love reaches always. I will never parent them perfectly, but I will love them with the firm belief that…
If faith is to be raised, then imperfections must be embraced.
Not forgotten. Not unmentioned. Not pushed aside and tucked away in a drawer where pride and stubborn hold the keys. No, imperfections must be owned and acknowledged. They must be treated as real and as raw, for there is no profit in pretending. No merit in the masking. And if grace is to be tilled, then grace must be sown through our humble confession. I want my life to seed eternal. I want the same for my children, and so I pray…
Keep me, Father, from the imperfect parenting that perfectly scripts a disastrous result. Instead, make me a better parent through the transforming power of your Spirit within. And when I fail…when sin finds a root because of the flesh that remains…till my soil for a better seed that blooms eternal and that raises the faith of the generation who follows. I thank you for the immeasurable privilege to parent. Forgive me when I treat it as anything but your sacred gift to me. Amen.

Copyright © May 2008 – Elaine Olsen. All rights reserved.















