Today, while running a quick errand with my kids (is there really such a thing… a quick errand?), we were listening to Audrey Assad’s For Love of You. I haven’t listened to the CD in months; actually, I haven’t listened to much music over the course of my last year. Something broke in me along the way; music took a back seat and silence slipped in as a replacement. But just today, while listening to Audrey, I was reminded of something that I wrote a season ago before my suffering began:
{from “peace for the journey: in the pleasure of his company”, pgs. 6-7}
“Atlantica–the magical waters of mermaids and talking sea creatures–had lost its capacity to sing. Not because it didn’t hold a melody within its waters, but rather because a tragic death had beaten its drum upon her shores. Loudly and profoundly it marched, sending song’s breath to a watery grave, to be buried deeply within the unseen sands of an untouched grief.
Pain does that. It buries. It may burst forth in all manner of wild expressions at the time of sorrow, but it almost always finds a way to, at least temporarily, suspend the song. When death of any kind marches its cadence upon the soil of our souls, it buries. It digs deeply and cries hard and grasps for fragments of control that don’t allow the music its voice.
But here is the truth of the eternal song. Once the music has made its way into a heart no amount of throwing and crying and denying its pulse can keep it buried forever. We can go to the grave refusing it a voice, but in the end, the music remains. It will find is chorus, even without our participation, because the King’s music is meant to be sung.”
All of this to say, friends, the music is returning to my soul, one note at a time. Today I heard its chorus sung through Audrey’s beautiful voice. A simple grace given to me by the King whose melody remains, despite our suffering seasons. Even so, Lord Jesus, come and sing your song through me.
~elaine
PS: Be sure to join me on Monday for a review and give-away of Joanne Kraft’s first book release, “Just Too Busy!” Shalom.
Audrey is new to me — what a beautiful voice! Am so thankful the song is stirring in you again, Elaine. One day it will burst forth again!
I have not heard her before, but I loved her voice! Soo pretty. I am soo glad that the music is coming to the surface again in your heart Elaine. It does have a way of doing that doesn't it? Have a wonderful week-end with your family….HUGS, Debbie
I am so, so glad the music is returning to you, Faith Elaine! And Audrey…so lovely. I've been listening to her this week too (I love you more than the slow falling summer rain…–I do!). I am sending you so much love.
Elaine, I was teary eyed while reading your beautiful words.
I know exactly how this feels – for a few months after my beloved husband passed away, my life was characterized by a deafening silence. First because there was no more husband beside me to have meaningful talk with, and second, because the music stopped in my heart.
You are right, the music is still there. But my spiritual ears got clogged up by the immense cruel pain of losing the love of my life.
I remember clearly the day the music came back… like in your case, one note at a time.
Thank you for sharing this post. One of Audrey Assad's songs, Show Me, is what ministered deeply to my heart when I was coming out of my season of grief.
Much love, dear friend…
Lidj
Elaine, you have filled my heart with excited hope. I was reading along identifying all too well with the description of a songless life. Music has most recently been silenced in my heart. This has not been songs season. The rooms here that once constantly swelled with the sound of instruments, orchestras and voice have lost their rhythm and been replaced with compositions of rests being played without audible sound.
Thank you for encouraging me that song will return. Not just a melancholy melody of loss, pain and grief, but the joyous sounds of praise, as the music crescendos unable to contain the love of a God so great.
Thanks for assuring me I'm not alone on this journey. Love you my friend.
Listening for His song,
Joy
My friend, re-reading those words from your book felt all too familiar yet so warm. I love how you script words onto a page. Such a talent.
I am glad that you are again experiencing the joy and peace of life again. Embrace it.
Sending you one giant cyber hug this morning.
Believing Him~Pamela
May you experience a flood of musical notes very soon.
Bless you!
I hadn't heard her before. thanks for sharing.
Music is what literally keeps me going some days. Nothing better than a little praise and worship to get my heart to pumpin'. but I do understand the need for a little time to "Be still (and quiet) and know who is God."
I was called back the other day for an ultrasound after my mammagram. I thought of you and your faith through this journey as I was playing the "what ifs?" in my head. thank you for being an inspiration daily. The ultrasound ended up just showing the cysts I knew I had, but I am still waiting on knews as to the results of those. It can be so scary these days to have simple tests done, when you know so many who don't get positive results. I kept thinking, no matter what happens, friends like Elaine have turn the bad and ugly into beautiful. Thanks for being that example of what hope in Christ looks like.
Have a beautiful Father's Day with your man.
May I quote to you from your own study "Peace for the Journey", which struck a cord in my heart and made me think of your post…
"A tomorrow's work will have to wait, because today's tears are all that can be absorbed." – pg 85.
I hate when people quote my own words back to me but a blessing is a blessing no matter the form. (smiley)
I just came undone with your post Elaine… Last year when I had my accident something died inside me… I'm still trying to work through it… Your post has helped a door to be unlocked… I'm going to use this music video on my blog today… Thank YOU Father God, Yehwah… for Your love, mercy and grace… In the name of the Messiah, Adonai… amen!
Oh, wow…I need to get this CD!
I'm so glad music is ministering to you again. It touches me and ministers to me in a powerful way.
Love you!