Peace for the Journey | Elaine Olsen

headin’ home…

June 14, 2010

“… And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own.” {Hebrews 11:13-14}.

People who say such things.

When was the last time you said such a thing… made an admission regarding your tenure upon this earth? I suppose we all say it from time to time; if not with words, then with our thinking… maybe even with our actions. On every occasion when we encounter the pull between the temporal ramifications of our flesh and the eternal, hidden pulse within, credibility is given to this faith-filled yearning. We don’t live very long in our skin before feeling the effects of such an understanding. We may not know what to call it—this ache that resides so very close to our hearts—but we cannot deny its existence. We simply feel it as it happens. Some of us receive it as a gift from God; others retreat from its witness in hopes of abating the inevitable—a final moment of final witness with some final answers regarding a final finish. Some of us would rather wait for then, but not me.

I want to be a person who says such things now; not then. Now is when faith happens; not when God reveals himself in final splendor. Faith doesn’t grow in that finishing moment when God is clearly obvious. Faith grows now, when God’s pulse within us quickens with ours and we can no longer keep our silence regarding such things.

I had a such things kind of moment today. I said something this morning during my prayer time that seems to echo the refrain of my spiritual ancestors from Hebrews 11. They may have said it better than me; I fully imagine that they lived it better, but all of our hearts, whether then or now, anchor with the same God. Thus, a few similar words from a similarly captivated heart.

I want to be a better pilgrim, Lord.

It’s a good prayer to pray… an honest prayer of confession. As of late, I’ve been tightly focused on my agenda to the neglect of God’s bigger picture. None of the details that have garnered my attention are unnecessary or unimportant. They are a requirement of the journey that I’m traveling. But because of it all—the packing, the phone calls, the address changes, the good-byes—it’s sometimes easy to miss the pull of heaven. Sometimes the “necessary” gets in the way of my pilgrim focus, and if not carefully guarded, becomes the cloud that blocks my view of home.

I’ve been missing home in recent days. Not this one; in just over a week, I’ll have a new roof over my head and a new life to get to know. No, when I speak about missing home, it’s not this one that I’m pining over. I miss the view of the home that’s coming—the one that’s free of the flesh and full of the Spirit of God. My attachments here have made me weary and have brought me to my knees and my tears and my wondering about their worthiness as it pertains to my pilgrim status.

True pilgrims of God don’t get bogged down in the particulars. Instead, true pilgrims keep their focus. Keep looking ahead. Keep pressing through the “necessary” without ever losing sight of the “next.” True pilgrims share a few common traits. Traits like…

Dreams. Determination. Discipline. Devotion.

Dreams to start the journey.
Determination to make the journey.
Discipline to stay the journey.
Devotion to finish the journey.

Short change any one of these steps, and homeward focus can easily be replaced by temporal visioning.

Long ago and faraway, I had my first dream about home. Today, I am determined more than then to get there. I pray for the discipline to take me there, and above all else, for an unbridled devotion to the Lover of my soul that will land me safely on his front porch where he will carry me through the portal of my forever.

I want to be a better pilgrim. I want to a woman who says such things… who lives such things all the more. I am an alien and a stranger on this earth, in search of a country to call my own. It belonged to God first, and because of his Son, Jesus Christ, it belongs to me now. I cannot see it in this moment, but I can dream it. Tonight, it matters not the roof that serves as my shelter, nor the address that claims me as resident. My temporal cannot replace dreams eternal. It will try, but at the end of the day, the ache that resides deep within me cannot be denied. It must be addressed. It must be remembered. It must be given the honor that it is due.

Home really is where the heart is, and tonight my heart is with Jesus.

People who say such things.

May we all be found saying such things this week. As always…

Peace for the journey,

PS: In honor of the road ahead (my two older boys heading to Bolivia on Wednesday and our impending move in eight days) I’ll be missing from blogland for awhile. I imagine I’ll be checking in with you from time to time, but my pen will be taking a much needed break. My heart? Well, it never takes a break, so there will be more to come down the road. In the meantime, keep looking toward the horizon and keep thinking about home. Our God is so worthy of and honored by our thoughts. We covet your prayers. Shalom.

one so blessed…

June 9, 2010

My precious friend, Joanne, sent me an e-mail this morning to remind me of the book give-away she is hosting over at her blog. The book? Peace for the journey: in the pleasure of his company. Maybe you’ve heard of it? I have a particular fondness for the work; it strikes pretty close to home, and I’d love for one of my readers to win a copy. Please stop over at Joanne’s place to sign-up, and bring your lawn chair with you as you go. Her blog is like sitting beneath the shade of a favorite tree on a hot, June afternoon. She makes me laugh; she makes me think; she gives me permission to pause from the busyness of my life in order to partake in the loveliness of hers.

Thank you, Joanne, for your interest in me and for the bucket loads of kindness you’ve extended in my direction. You are one of the best evidences of God’s grace and love toward me in the blogging community. I count it a privilege to be walking alongside you in this season of life and to call you my sister and friend.

Peace for the journey,

PS: I’m closing comments on this post so that you can head over to Joanne’s place and start enjoying the fellowship beneath her shade tree! Shalom.

"Let the boy run…"

June 7, 2010

As I rounded the corner of mile two on my usual jogging route, I noticed them walking toward me—two middle-school boys getting off the bus… two brothers making their way to the home less than a quarter of a mile from the bus drop. I’ve seen them before; even chatted with them on occasion, but all I received from them in that moment was their cursory nod as they made their approach. It was obvious to me the debate going on between them. I noticed the increasing, accelerated paces that accompanied their “out of the corner of the eye” glances toward one another. A race was about to happen, but not before they passed my observation.

I must have served as their starting line, because as soon as they made it beyond my right shoulder, the competition was on. I don’t know who won the race; the older brother is bigger with a longer stride, but the younger is thinner and perhaps harbors just enough determination to claim victory over his older brother every now and again. I chuckled as they passed, having seen this kind of competitive spirit in my own sons over the years. It has both annoyed me and blessed me, always reminding me of the subtle differences that seem to exist between boys and girls.

I continued with my jog for another mile and with the “chewing” on these differences when a thought occurred to me. A voice really. A whisper that simply and profoundly declared…

Let the boy run, Elaine. Let the boy run.

If there is one thing this woman knows, it’s boys. I live with four of them—one manly boy, two semi-manly boys, and one wishing he were anywhere within shooting range of the older three! There’s just something in them that says “get to the finish line first.” Whether it’s a foot race to the front door, a sprint to claim the front seat of the van, a drive to the hoop, the front runner for the hot shower or for morning pancakes, boys have it in them to be first. When it comes to racing, all other considerations are pushed aside. My boys can’t seem to help themselves. They simply were made for the running.

Let the boy run, Elaine. Let the boy run.

I’ve thought a lot about this whisper over the past couple of days since it first entered into my heart. Thought a lot about all of the ways I’ve tried to squelch the “run” in my boys over the years. As a single mom of two young sons, it was easy for me to justify my taking the lead in all of our matters. When they wanted to run in those younger days, it bothered me. I didn’t understand boys back then; I just tried to control them for fear that I would lose them. Since Billy’s coming into my life, I better understand the nature of the manly “run”; he’s brought depth and insight into the equation. Still and yet, there’s a part of me that cannot fully appreciate the pace of a boy’s heart—the boy’s drive to be first, be strong, be in the lead, be in charge. So much of what they’re wired to be is how I’m wired as well. Thus, the rub. Thus the need for a whisper from time to time reminding me to…

Let the boy run.

I want my boys to run, all of them. I want them to be fully man and fully alive to the paces of their genetic and spiritual predisposition. I don’t want them to wait to run until they’ve passed my shoulder and I can no longer enjoy the display of their manly fortitude. I want them to run in front of me while I can yet witness their strength. I want to see them grow and become and develop into the strong leaders that God has called them to be. I don’t want them to be hindered by my need to be in control; rather, I want them to run past me, all the while because of me and my willingness to tie up their laces, to walk them to the starting line, and then to cheer them onto victory. At my age and in this season of life, I might be running alongside them; not to beat them this time around, but rather to enjoy them and to champion them into doing what they were always meant to do.

To run.

It’s not been an easy conclusion to arrive at; my parents raised me to be a strong, independent woman, unafraid of her shadow and not easily swayed by man’s opinion. I am thankful for the sturdy sense of identity that was embedded into me long before I knew what it was to share a home with a boy, much less four of them. But after years of living with their witness, they’re growing on me, and I am beginning to appreciate their innate need for speed and for the lead.

Let the boy run, Elaine. Let the boy run.

By God’s grace, I hope to follow through on this whisper of heaven. Something tells me I might need the strength of my four boys in the days to come… might need their courage and their pace to buoy me along in my journey toward home. I’m glad I have them. As I grow older, I become less tolerant of my need to be in charge and more willing to concede my front-runner status to those whose legs are better able to handle the pace of life. It’s taken me a long season to get there, and I imagine that I will always prefer my running shoes to high heels. But for now, I’m enjoying the sprint to manhood that is taking place under my roof. It makes me glad to be a woman… to know the differences that exist between me and my four boys and to be perfectly content with the distinction.

And so I say to you, my four boys—Billy, Nick, Colton, and Jadon—

Run boys. Run swiftly and let this wife and mother take it all in. I look forward to watching the race in the days to come and to cheering you on to victory. Home is just around the bend, less than a quarter of a mile from this moment, and the pace you now keep will be worth the company you will then keep for all of eternity.

Let the boy in you run strong. Let the man in you finish well.

This woman loves you and delights in living this life with you. May you now and forever always know…

Peace for the journey,

Preacher Billy’s moving tips…

June 4, 2010

Because every now and again… we all need a good laugh. Find something to laugh about this weekend, friends. In the meantime, here’s my man making me laugh. Oh, how I love a good tear-producing, snortin’ out loud, kind of laugh. I’ll see you on the other side of some boxes and some rest.

on "going to the woodshed"

June 1, 2010

I have a story I want to tell you; not because there’s anything particularly spiritual about it all, at least not at this point. Perhaps before it’s over there might be a small nugget’s worth of something to cradle as your own, but for now, this story belongs to my daughter because, long after I’m gone, I want her to have it to cradle for always.

Miss Amelia. She is the caboose of our immediate family, following in line after her three older brothers. They tell me she doesn’t fall too far from the tree.

I don’t see it as much as they do; I don’t look for it… don’t search for all the ways that she might resemble me. I just live with her, love her the best I can and am occasionally mindful of what they profess to see.

Me in her; her in me.

Like a few days after she was born when I cradled her closely to my chest and looked into her eyes. They fixed on me, almost as if she was giving me permission to glance into the depths of her soul. For a brief moment, I peeked in and had the strangest feeling that I was looking at a mirrored reflection of myself. The memory is as vivid to me now as it was nearly eight years ago.

Me in her; her in me.

Like a few weeks ago when her daddy called me on the way home from picking her up at school. Apparently there was an issue in the hall bathroom… something about a potty mouth and her not being able to take good instruction from the teacher the first time around.

Me in her; her in me.

Like the moment after receiving the call when I met her at the back door and sent her upstairs to “think it over” before talking it out. Knowing that her momma was disappointed, her eyes brimmed with tears searching for any measure of initial grace that might be extended to her on the front side of discipline.

Me in her; her in me.

Like the commotion that followed her bedroom ascent; her unable to handle the isolation and silence and feeling the need to fix the problem herself, all the while making sure that I took notice of her angst.

Me in her; her in me.

Like in the one-sided conversation that followed her “thinking it over” when she met me on the stairs half-way. Me coming up; her coming down.

“Stop right there, Mommy (upright hand directed at me). Before you say anything you need to know something. I’ve already washed my mouth out with soap, and I’ve already spanked myself. And just in case you’re wondering… it really, really hurt.” (Her words; not mine.)

Me in her; her in me.

I stifled my laughter until later, acknowledging to her that the discipline seemed to have fit the crime and that we were good to go for the rest of the day. We hugged; she moved on, and I was left alone to ponder the exchange between us.

I’ve been thinking about it ever since. We are quite the dramatic pairing. We live our lives out loud and with full emotion at every turn. Few are the days void of our laughter and our tears. Never are we silent, and rarely are we ever alone. If it’s true, if in fact my daughter doesn’t fall too far from the maternal tree, then I am not surprised about the extraordinary lengths that she was willing to travel in order to punish herself. It’s a technique I’ve perfected over the years—personal flogging for personal sin that, if not carefully guarded, can easily become a personal pastime for me.

I’m not as bad as I used to be, but every now again, when I pursue sin over personal holiness, I’m quick to find the bar of soap and the paddle, even though all I’ve been charged with is the “thinking it over.” Rather than taking a cue from my Father in regards to my taking a breather in the isolation and quiet of an upper chamber, I busy myself with trying to find some grace via the route of my good intentions. I rely on personal understanding rather than God’s understanding, and more often than not, the self-inflicted wounds I apply aren’t in keeping with the crime… aren’t in keeping with my Daddy’s grace.

I wonder if you understand; if, in fact, you know what it is to take yourself to the woodshed over your sins. That maybe you, like my daughter and myself, don’t fall too far from the same tree. That sometimes it is easier to receive punishment than it is to receive our Father’s compassion. Could it be that we have grown so attached to our need for penalty that we altogether miss the grace of the cross? I’m not saying or thinking that our sins don’t come without consequence. But what I am wondering is…

Who are we to decide that consequence? Are we the ones to measure out mercy or to put parameters around pardon? When is enough, enough? What discipline could we offer on behalf of our sins that would equal our Daddy’s forgiveness? Does one spanking suffice? Would two or ten or twenty years’ worth of woodshed drama be adequate to cover the gaping distance between our bad and God’s good? Our need and God’s sufficiency? When does hurt, hurt enough, and why in the world do we burden ourselves with the awesome responsibility of keeping score?

Me in her; her in me; perhaps… you in us.

I think, in part, this is where the story moves from solely belonging to me and my daughter to belonging to you as well. I’ve been to the woodshed in recent days, friends. I imagine some of you could say the same. Maybe some of you are there tonight. Do me a favor…

Put the soap back in the dish; hang the paddle back on the nail, and simply sit in silence with your Daddy. He’s already ascended the stairs on your behalf, and I imagine that he has a word or two of grace to offer to your hurting heart.

“Stop right there, child. Before you say anything further, do anything further, you need to know something. I’ve already been to the woodshed for you. And just in case you’re wondering, it really, really hurt. And just in case you’ve forgotten, you’re really, really worth it.”

Him in us; us in Him. And none of us too very far from the family tree. As always…

Peace for the journey,

PS: My heart is strangely stirred this night… these last few posts have come from both a place of poverty of soul and fullness of spirit. Some of you won’t understand that; I’m not sure I understand it all myself, but of this I am certain. God is moving in my heart, and he longs to speak to me. Accordingly, I must move closer for a listen. I’ve walked with God long enough to know when he is calling… long enough to know that I don’t want to miss a single moment of intimacy with him… certain enough to know that something good is around the corner. I pray all of this and more for each one of you tonight. I’ll see you on the other side of God’s burning bush. Shalom.