returning light…

“You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” (Psalm 18:28)

God’s returning light.

It’s returning to me after a long six-week season of diminishing dimness. Not elimination; God’s light always flames within me, but there are times when it decreases in its intensity. Not because of anything he’s done, but rather because life and its many messy circumstances have flickers all their own. A heart has a hard time highlighting them both; thus, when one takes the stage—flames fuller and burns brighter—the other retreats to the wings and waits its turn.

It’s God’s turn in my life, friends, and I feel the intensity of his flame returning in me. It matters not the situations that led to his light’s retreat. It began around Thanksgiving and continued its solid march through the month of December. In many ways, I had to break free from Christmas in order to live my Christmas. I realize that in writing this, some of you will be confused and left to your imaginations as to what I could possibly mean. But I think if you live with that statement for a few minutes, understanding will come.

Christmas wasn’t designed for its cramming into a confined calendar slot. Christmas was meant for a twelve month existence. For me (and this is Elaine talking for herself), I live the witness of Christmas better in the eleven months preceding its planned remembrance. Those months are less messy for me, less crowded, less programmed. And while Christmas isn’t to blame for my season of recent struggle, they happened to share the same month. I imagine there are others who could voice the same.

Through it all, I pressed into my faith because that is what faith does. It presses into known truth—a truth that relies on God’s strength to carry us through to resolution. Faith carries us in times of darkness. Faith anchors us, holds us, reminds us that on the other side of smoldering embers lies the hot breath of a Holy God who bends at the ready to flame them into significance.

My life has hosted many seasons of diminishing flames like this past one. I don’t imagine it will be my last. And while I don’t welcome them, I’m better prepared for them because I’ve lived each one of them successfully through to victory. To feeling the warmth of God’s returning light and to embracing the dawn as dawn was meant to be embraced.

With celebration … anticipation … high and holy expectation for the day that births anew with unlimited opportunities to unpack my God further. That is how I awoke this morning; by his grace, tomorrow will birth the same.

It’s good to be in fellowship with a God who understands the seasons of our lives, who walks them with us despite our willingness to walk them in isolation. Without the embers of his enduring love, our struggling seasons suffer deeper, linger longer, fester wider. There is little hope of emerging victory when we fail to tend to the wick of God’s sacred flame within us.

I’ve tended to that wick, even when my flesh cried out its resistance. I prayed about it, wrote about, spoke to God about it, and read about it in his holy Word. God’s Word is replete with a people who have stood where I have stood. They, too, pressed into their faith in order to move past their flesh.

God’s returning light. It’s found its way to my soul again, and I am eternally grateful for the mustard seed’s worth of faith within me that pushed me through to victory.

I don’t know where you are in your journey with God right now. Perhaps your faith is burning brightly with little wiggle room for doubt. If so, thank God for his continuing illumination. Perhaps your faith flickers with intermittent warmth and sporadic guidance, just enough to quell your worries regarding its diminishment. If so, pray to God for clearer vision and for firmer resolve. Perhaps your faith is down to a few smoldering embers as other “lights” have taken to the stage to voice their opposition. If so, cling to God as if your life depended on it.

Our lives depend on it, friends, on him no matter the season we’re walking. Without his continuing presence in our lives, we have little hope of emerging from the darkness. Thus, keep pressing into our faithful God. Keep running with him; keep walking beside him; keep crawling toward him, all the way through to final victory. I know it’s not an easy journey. In fact, “easy” doesn’t fit with an extraordinary faith. But extraordinary is exactly what we’ve been given. The heart of our Father could give no less. “Less” isn’t in keeping with his character.

I love you, am willing to pray for you, and am writing you my heart this day because it is all that I have to give to you. It seems to me that, perhaps, at least one of you needs the witness of my last six weeks. If so, know this…

God is approaching your soul in this very moment. His light is returning to you, even as the dawn is approaching its birth, and God’s hot and very holy breath would like nothing more than to fan into flame the embers of your struggling faith. May our good Father grant you, precious one, the witness of his presence as you close your eyes to slumber this night. As always…

peace for the journey,

~elaine

PS: I don’t know when I’ll be here again. As the Lord prompts my heart, I will be faithful to add a few words and post them here. I’m giving intentional focus to my latest WIP with a goal of finishing by February’s end. I would appreciate your prayers along those lines. In the meantime, if you have a special prayer request you’d be willing to entrust to me, I’d be most privileged to receive it. You are the reason I keep to my pen. Shalom.

Copyright © January 2010 – Elaine Olsen

25 Responses to returning light…

  1. OH Elaine,
    You have no idea how much this meant to me tonight.
    I need to wake with a real expectation of His being there with me through the whole day.
    I too, had a hard season of struggle during Christmas. I fought depression but it is continuing on and off even now. Saturday was horrible… Sunday I forced my flesh to praise God and lead in worship… so Monday was better, on and off… it's that flickering flame you were talking about. Not embers, not full flame… in between.

    Because I was able to spend some time in prayer at work yesterday, on a break, and felt His peace cover me as surely as a blanket, and I was wrapped in His embrace. It's so easy to believe, have faith, when you feel that… but when that feeling doesn't come – even when the reality of His embrace is still there – that's when I have problems… I suppose we all do.

    I long for more and more of Him. My heart aches for him… my time and my schedule, the demands of my job, family, everything preclude spending precious time with Him. It is very, very difficult for me to get going enough in the morning to be up early enough for time with Him. Not an excuse … I should make the time, but right now, though I long for Him, I have been so tired, I just can't imagine going with less sleep than I have been getting.

    Ack. You can see where I need prayer! Thank you to committing to pray for those of us who ask for it. I am asking.

    And I am so thankful to see that things are getting better, and that you are seeing His light again!

    I see His hand in so many places, I see His fingerprints all over my life and circumstances, the people He has been bringing into it, the relationships and answers to prayer… why can't I find more than just a moment of joy? Why do the other "things" immediately crowd it out?

    Thank you so much for this post. It gives me more hope for the coming of the dawn…. this time of year is just hard for me.

    May God bless you as you seek Him even more, and as you write!
    Heather

  2. I needed to read this today. Thank you friend for sharing your heart.

    I kind of feel like I'm in a testing time, wandering in the wilderness,waiting on God's timing for some promised land blessings. In other words, in my own little way, I so understand where you are at.

  3. Beautiful words once again, since I tend a fire daily, I understand the eb and flow. If I wait too long and the coals get too small, I have to add pine kindling and stay with it longer to get the fire hot enough to burn the oak (better heating wood with less ash) that lasts longer and burns hotter. I also need to make sure it has enough air to burn well.

    Fire certainly needs constant attention. But when I am warm, it's easy to forget to add wood.

    Fan into flame! I have the harder time during the Christmas season because I am busier and the flame gets low…

  4. Amen, Elaine…

    You know I have struggled with similar issues through the Christmas season. It's up to me to stir those embers, though, isn't it?!

    Your post reminds me of the following chorus of Light the Fire:

    Light the fire
    In my soul,
    Fan the flame
    Make me whole.
    Lord, You know
    Where I’ve been,
    So light the fire in my heart again.

    Hugs,
    Beth

  5. So glad I checked my updates before turning in tonight…this sentence…

    "Faith anchors us, holds us, reminds us that on the other side of smoldering embers lies the hot breath of a Holy God who bends at the ready to flame them into significance."

    spoke to my heart tonight…I am eager for His holy breath…

    Thank you, Elaine….

  6. Elaine- so glad that God prompted you to pick up the pen this evening. Your words just flowed over my spirit and fanned my flame!

    His Holy Breath… what I live for.

    Love to you,
    Beth

  7. I pray for your WIP Elaine. I want the flame to be a wildfire in my life. Totally consuming. You have a beautiful gift with words. I could highlight this whole post. I pray God makes your house overflow with opportunites to share your words with MORE people.
    Keep your pen in hand. B

  8. I feel the brightness of your flame every time I visit you. To think it is getting even brighter is awesome. I understand your comment well about Christmas this year. I am watching my daughter suffer because of a prodigal hubby. A baby is involved and we are standing on God's Word for protection and deliverance. What would we do without Jesus?

    You are on my prayer list for your WIP. May God be glorified in the final outcome!

    Hugging you,
    Mary

  9. Elaine,

    The words penned from your heart so beautifully describe where I've just been as well. I kept on keeping on so to speak, knowing that God hadn't left me so that meant that I had left Him. And coming through to the other side the past few days has been glorious, I sense that He is so ever near. January 1st, I heard Him speak to my soul….seek. And seeking Him, i am. Lovingly, Yolanda

  10. Thank God for those glowing embers! They may not seem like much, but they're evidence that the fire has not gone out, and will once again burst into flame…it's just hard to remember that at times, especially when we feel so cold.
    Thanks for posting this…I can surely relate!

  11. Of the light, God said, "It is good."

    Walk in that "good-ness"; write in that "good-ness".

    Take care of "Elaine" in the process. All is well and all will be well.

  12. Such sweet warmth, His flame. Be it embers or blaze, it is never extinguished. Amen.

    Blessings,
    Kathleen

  13. You are such a blessing. I loved the picture that came to my mind as you described faith being an anchor. I will be praying for your WIP. God will use your pen to touch those who need it.

    blessings
    Tammy

  14. wifeforthejourney:

    You have given voice to a common experience, that few Christans want to talk about. Further testimony to your committment to be "real" and to allow your writing to reflect your real-ness.

    The picture is also a vivid help in filling my mind with the possibilities that come with faith that is "burning down." Mainly, you have reminded me that even as a fire comes to ashes, all those dying coals need is more fuel to be stirred to life.

    Thanks for your vulnerability and your faithful witness!

    Love,
    Billy

  15. I loved what you said, Elaine, about Christmas being for all 12 months. How wonderful that we "Joy to the World" to sing about all year long.

    God bless as you complete your WIP!

  16. "Pressing into faith because that's what faith does"–LOVE that image!

    A bruised reed He will not break, a smoldering wick He will not quench! Hang on to His promises, friend!

  17. Elaine:
    I'm so glad you shared this. I think it will be familiar to most everyone who reads this. It is to me… that time in our walk with God when the fog seems to blur the light, even when we know in our hearts that He is there and that He is bringing us THROUGH the fog. So, we keep stirring the embers, and the warmth grows.
    Bless you for sharing this!
    Sonja

  18. A very purifying post indeed! You wrote:
    "It’s God’s turn in my life, friends, and I feel the intensity of his flame returning in me."

    I loved the comparrison with other 'flames' in our lives that distract from the one true flame of Jesus in our hearts – at least that's what this post sparked for me!

    He's always there – but is He the strongest ember burning? I want that!

    I am praying for you – as God has called you to a task and He will be faithful to encourage you and to help you to complete it. Then we will reap the benefit of that time well spent!

    Choosing JOY, Stephanie
    [JESUS ONLY in 2010

  19. This touched me deeply, dear Elaine. I felt like you were writing my heart–not at this moment, but in the very recent past. This blessed me, because it WAS me – and will again be me. Thank you, my friend – and I am praying for your WIP. Starting research for my second this month.

  20. Your last paragraph just speaks to my spirit. Bless you Elaine. Bless you for sharing your gift of expressing your heart through your writing. Praying for your WIP that the LORD will do exceedingly, abundantly more than all you could ask or imagine!

    With a blessed heart,
    Lora

  21. "It’s good to be in fellowship with a God who understands the seasons of our lives…"

    As with any good friend, yes? But he exceeds them all.

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