“Hey, Lunch Lady, can I have another slice of pizza?”
So said my son last Friday around noon. It’s only in hindsight that I can laugh about it. In the moment, my emotions were otherwise occupied with thoughts of escape, retreat, and getting out of Dodge while there was still some gas left in my tank. Being his lunch lady is just one of the many new labels I’m wearing around my house. Teacher, principal, janitor, and bathroom monitor are a few others. Yes, we’re homeschooling this year . . . a 6th grader and a 5th grader.
It’s hard, but it’s right.
How do I know? I just know. I knew it the moment we began. It took us a long time to arrive at this decision, but after a few years of educational frustration, it was time to make a change. Sometimes you just know when a change is needed. Sometimes you take a large leap away from what’s reasonable . . . what’s comfortable because of that knowing.
It’s good to have that kind of information stored away as an anchor—the assurance that the hard decision is the right decision. I’ve not always had that certainty when it comes to making decisions. Sometimes it’s a 51/49 process. Fifty-one percent says “yes”; forty-nine a “no.” Sometimes I just have to go with that extra two percent, believing that God goes with me and will make up the difference. I’m glad that’s not the case here.
God has this year in his hands. His reach is generous. It’s going to be hard, but it’s already very, very right.
Right isn’t always easily defined. But as we stick close to Jesus . . . lean in to him, rely on him, expect from him . . . he is faithful to provide us with an ample supply of strength, courage, and direction for the path we’re traveling. With such grace, we’ll find that what is right is also good, even when it feels so very hard.
Being a lunch lady will bring many changes to my life, of this I am certain. I don’t know the ebb and flow of it all just yet. I do know it’s requiring far more of me than I anticipated on the front side of my decision. I’m having to let go of a few good things in order take hold of this better one.
But I’m ready to try, and really, in the end, isn’t this most of the struggle—garnering enough personal willingness to try and do the hard thing? To just step on, step forward, and walk the line of what’s right? Those steps might be fraught with difficulty, hardship at a whole new level, and surrender at the deepest of levels, but when they’re the right steps, the struggle will be worth the gain.
This I believe to be true. This is how I will live my year as lunch lady, with struggle and with faith. And most wonderfully, with two young hearts who first called to me from their cribs and who, now, call to me from the lunchroom. This is going to be a wild ride, friends! Thanks for coming along with us. As always . . .
Peace for the journey,
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I am exceedingly weary tonight, and my heart is greatly troubled. It’s just how it is. I cannot escape my tiredness, nor can I deny the heaviness I feel in my spirit. As much as I would like to be in this place, to take the time to fill up this space with words, I cannot. There’s simply not enough of me to go around this week. Accordingly I pull back, lay low, and retreat behind these walls that are strong, safe, and guarded.
