A Hurting Heart…

A Hurting Heart…

I suppose I owe you post. It’s been a few days; still and yet, I’m struggling for my words. My heart isn’t here.

My heart is there, underneath a blue tent that shelters the freshly dug grave of my friend, Beth.

My heart is in a hospital room, where Beth’s daughter has just, this morning, given birth to a little girl who will only know her grandmother through the memories given to her by others.

My heart is in a home where a husband walks in isolation from his bride of twenty-five years, bumping into remembrances at every turn.

My heart is with two parents who valiantly and gracefully walked hand in hand to bury their daughter; a walk no parent should have to make.

My heart is with extended family, brothers, in-laws, aunt and uncles and cousins enough to fill a sanctuary—all of whom are trying to make sense out of a “life gone too soon.”

My heart is there, everywhere but here. Still and yet, I come and offer it to you for you are my friends, also. I imagine that there are many of you who are walking your own road of grief this day. Life is dishing you out a heavy portion of pain, and you are unsure about what to do with it; how to manage it; where to stuff it, and how to move on from it.

You walk in good company. You are not alone in your weariness of heart of soul. Like you … like so many others … I am walking with my pain. And while it pales in comparison to the grief of a family who knew Beth longer and loved her deeper, it still hurts and leaves me with a few lingering questions.

I won’t tackle these questions today; at least not publicly. Some conversations are best reserved for the private intimacy between Father and child. My faith isn’t based on my questions. My faith supersedes my questions. The questions are simply the road map God uses to draw my heart closer to his.

Graciously, he allows them. Humbly I ask them. Patiently, I wait for the answers. I believe they will come; if not fully, then with at least enough understanding to carry me through to the other side, when “partial” will give way to “complete.”

I can live with that, friends, because I firmly believe that when it’s time for me to “know,” I’ll know. Until then, God’s peace is my guiding comfort. He’s ready and available to me for the asking.

Thus, I ask for peace to cover my questions, my hurts and the hurts of Beth’s loved ones. I don’t ask for “down the road,” I ask for now … for this moment. God is faithful to supply his touch one moment at a time until they collect and gather and become an hour lived in peace. An entire day walked in peace. A week, a month, a year, a lifetime that punctuates with the truth that God’s peace is possible, is real and is active in the hearts of those who bow low enough and long enough to drink from its well.

I’m bowing today. There is peace to be tasted from God’s cup. May you know his ample portion as well. As always,

Peace for the Journey,

~elaine

 

54 Responses to A Hurting Heart…

  1. This post is beautifully written from your heart. I loved how you wrote: "My faith isn’t based on my questions. My faith supersedes my questions. The questions are simply the road map God uses to draw my heart closer to his."

    This touched me greatly Elaine and helps me. Thank you for being open to share the pain of the loss of your friend. I'm thinking of you and praying for you and her family during this difficult time. Bless you for sharing with your blogging buddies. Love you and I'm sending you a hug.

  2. I am sending hugs to you, sweet friend. Debbie's comment about your faith is one that I echo as well. You put it so beautifully.

    I'll send you and email later on.

    Love you!
    Susan

  3. I am so sorry for your loss. I also agree with Debbie…that quote struck me too. Thank you for your courage to share your hurting heart with the world. I am praying for you…my friend who I have not met yet.
    Cory =)

  4. Oh, the sadness and the void and the unanswered "Why?" Your post so poignantly touches at the heart of the pain. I'm touched deeply by reading this eloquent painting of faith and love.

    Sending you a hug, my friend.

  5. To lose someone close to you and have questions…I've been there.

    Your words touched my heart. Your words reminded me of the faith that I was taught through my mom's life and death.

    love and hugs~Tammy

  6. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. Your words are beautifully written and a testimony to your friendship. Praying for your peace and strength today.

  7. the rawness of new death is one you can only understand once you've been there…
    Continue resting on His promises…He treasures every tear, for it is a well of love.
    words don't express is well enough what my heart feels for you and yours…

  8. Oh, Elaine. I am so saddened by your loss of Beth. I have traveled down this road far too many times.

    I will be praying for you, for Beth's families and friends and especially for her daughter & her brand new baby.

    May God give each of you the peace, the comfort, and the strength to handle each moment that comes.

    In Him,
    Stacy

  9. My heart and prayers are with you right now… I am so sorry for your loss. May God shower you with his love and peace today…

  10. tears welled up when I read this..((hugs)) praying for the family and you precious sister…

  11. Elaine, what a beautiful post! You just poured your heart out! I am so sorry for your lost! This post was a blessing to me.Thank-u so much.I will be praying for the family! May God Bless You. I know He has me, because He allowed me to meet you! Love Faye

  12. Oh, Elaine… I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I will keep you and her family in my prayers.

    Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post with us in the midst of your hurt. All you said is so true… we all have questions, we all have doubts, but it is in those times the Lord will draw us nearer and we will find comfort and strength in Him.

  13. Elaine, my heart goes out to you and to Beth's family. I know exactly where you are — I was there when my friend Amy died in May. There are no words. Keep looking to Him. With His tender touch, He gave answers and peace in the midst of my questions, and He will to you, too.

    Hugs to you, my friend!

  14. please pray for my great niece, Katie, she just came out of heart surgery and the next 48 hours are critical, thanks!
    🙂

  15. That is the one thing of this life that is sure – we will all walk this path at some point.

    The cry of your heart sends forth its ache to ours. The echoes are heard my friend. The prayers for peace and grace to fall upon Beth's family and friends and all those who hurt and question – resound now. May you feel them vibrate to the depths of your soul.

    Shalom,
    Denise

  16. I am so very sorry about your friend. How especially sad for her sweet daughter.
    I will pray for peace and comfort for you and all of Debbie's friends and family.

  17. Oh friend. Your faith shines beautifully through your pain. I'm lifting you and all Beth's family up and trusting the only true healer of hearts to do His best work.

    Love you,
    Melinda

  18. Elaine, I am praying for you through this time. You wrote your heart beautifully today.
    I have an award that I would like to share with you. Come by and pick it up when you can.
    God Bless,
    Christy

  19. I am so so sorry for you, Beth's husband and her family and all those who loved her. I cry with you for the ache and hurt all of you will experience for such a time. I know from personal experience too that God will see everyone through this time.
    Blessings to you for being there for them.

  20. Elaine, I just wrote a post on wrestling with God when the senseless and unthinkable is allowed…I feel the rawness of your pain..I am contending with my own…
    this time, I pray I will not let go until like Jacob, I receive my blessing and new identity…

    May God's comfort fall on all whose pain reaches deep this night..
    Love, Sita

  21. Elaine you are a beautiful person inside and out. You are a woman who has been created and revealed by a most amazing God! May you know that Your Daddy loves and adores you to pieces and that you truly bring glory and honor to His name…in the midst of a hurting heart!

  22. Oh wow elaine. This post goes beyond the reaching into a heart in pain, it's a clear reminder of just being in Christ Jesus and what that means. Your words, your heart and this song blessed my heart. Tears rolling down my cheeks as I pray for the loss this family is experiencing, even with the knowledge of being delivered into the Kingdom of God a life take to early as you wrote breaks my heart. Praying for this family this afternoon.

  23. Elaine,
    I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious friend, Beth. I am praying for you, as I am praying for her family.

    Your loving tribute has touched my heart. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug, my friend!

    May you feel God's peace and comfort, as only HE can give.

    Love,
    Beth

  24. Oh, my precious friend. I am woefully behind in the blogosphere, and I have a lot of catch-up reading to do.

    I'm so sorry to return, only to witness your fresh pain and loss. It's so hard to understand these kind of earthly losses.

    Oh, Lord, thank You for blanketing us in Your love, mercy, grace, and comfort when life doesn't make sense, and thank You for the knowledge that You are sovereign over all … even over circumstances that we can't reconcile in our human minds and hearts. Hold Elaine and Beth's family ever closer, Lord, and carry them through the pain. Support them from strength to strength until we all appear before You in Zion (reference Psalm 84:6-7). We love You, Lord. Amen.

  25. Oh Elaine! You know I've been down this walk – not only with my husband – but also with two very dear friends.

    But your words… are just beautiful.

    KelliGirl said it best when she expressed this of your post: "I'm touched deeply by reading this eloquent painting of faith and love."

    All I can do it echo her words because this is a precious tribute to your dear friend Beth.

    Blessings upon that family and yours and your entire church and extended family.

    My heart is with you in that place,
    Stephanie
    [JESUS – the One I Worship]

  26. Elaine – I will be praying for all of you in the time of hurt and grief.

    My heart just hurts for you so.

    Cling to the Lord – He will never let go of you.

  27. 2 Corinthians 1 2 Corinthians 1: 3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

  28. I am sorry for the loss of your friend. I can't imagine.
    I know my Father knows their pain and yours.
    I pray for comfort….that you would all feel our Father as He catches your tears and holds your heart.

  29. I am so sorry Elaine. Your tears are more valuable than much gold. Praying your arms will comfort and open to receive comfort as well.

    Wish I could come make you some tea.

    Sending love,
    Grace

  30. Offering my condolences, and praying for comfort from the God of all comfort. What a painful, untimely loss.

    Chris Tomlin's son is such a fitting epitath. What joy springs from the heart that knows this is not the end, and that our God is King over death & the grave. I am often inspired, though rendered powerfully tearful, to think that I will one day dance on streets that are golden with my mother and father.

    God's richest peace to one who packs so much of it into the journey. You do that so well.

    Hugs,
    Kathleen

  31. Beautiful heartfelt words of compassion and love.

    I'm left without breath…I can only bow my head and silently pray for God's grace to continue to flow…

    Rebecca

  32. Elaine,

    Thank you for this, and for the sharing of your heart in a difficult journey, the hurting heart. It causes me to well up, as I feel this within the depths of my soul…..my Mom went at the age of 57 1/2. To young, my Friend, to young.

    Beth…much younger, and to young…..and yet we trust God and know that once again, we simply must rest in Him.

    Lovingly,
    Yolanda

  33. Hey Elaine,

    I am so sorry for this loss…it seems like she was a good friend to you. Peace for this part of the Journey is on the way. Because He ever liveth to make intercession for us…coming boldly to receive that grace in time of need…

    MUCH love in HIM,

    katiegfromtennessee

  34. I came over from another blog… my heart goes out to you.

    Your post was beautiful, filled with honesty and faith. I pray that the Lord will grace you with His strength during this time.

    Your blog is cute. I would love to visit again, if that is alright. 🙂

  35. There is peace to be tasted from God’s cup.

    I pray that you and this family are having a cup of God's peace right now. Such beautiful words.

  36. Thank you for writing from a hurting heart.

    That's a tough thing to do.

    You're so right, "God is faithful to supply his touch one moment at a time…."

    May you feel His touch during each moment of this journey through grief.

    I always learn from what you write.

    Praying for you.

  37. Elaine,

    I'm just so sorry to read about your friend Beth.

    My heart hurts along with yours, I feel your pain.

    I will pray for her family now and especially for her new little girl.

    I pray you feel the comfort and love that is being sent you way.

    Again, I'm so sorry…

  38. Just…tears.

    Know you are covered, as is your friend's loved ones.

    She is home. She is home.

  39. Elaine~ I just prayed for you and your friend's family. I'm so sorry for the loss of all who loved Beth, and will continue praying for God's peace and comfort to surround every heavy heart and carry all of you through these next days and weeks.

    I'm so glad to have found your blog.

    Jennifer

  40. I always love how you can put the things of your heart into words…
    So sorry for your loss…for her families loss. I'll praying for her family, this new life that's come, and for your hurting heart as well. Sending love and hugs your way.

  41. Oh my friend, I am so so sorry. I have prayed for your friend. Though your pain, their pain is so vividly realm right now, the peace comes in knowing God has her in His arms.

    Death is so cruel without that hope in him.

    Leaving for camp next week with our youth. Pray that all the kids will meet god in a mighty way, esp. our girls.

    Sending you a very big blog hug…very big.

    His Maidservant~Pamela

  42. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend and her family (how heartbreaking for her daughter, giving birth on this day!).

    My prayers for God's presence and comfort for you all.

  43. Father, thank You that You are good – even in teh midst of pain and sadness and unanswered questions. Thank You that in this very moment You are holding Elaine and each memeber of Beth's family. Thank You that You are Enough to bring each of them through these days and weeks and months of grieving.
    Father, I am asking You today to overwhelm them with peace – a peace that cn only come from You!

  44. I'm so sorry for your hurting heart and for Beth's family. Thank you for allowing God to minister to us through your loss. My prayers are with you all.

  45. So much I want to say but words won't flow right now only tears and prayers from my lips to God's heart.

    I love you.

  46. Beautiful Elaine. You. The post. The picture. The truth. Your request for peace from our God.
    The finality of putting someone you love in the ground wrenches a heart like nothing else. This spring I watched as a 36 yro single Mom died from cancer. I was there when she took her last breath & I saw her Mom as she left this life. Then a month later I watched another Mom (my daughter) welcome her little girl into this world. One Mom watching her daughter leave, one Mom watching her daughter arrive. Both grab at your heart but in ways that can't even be explained.
    You're a beauty Elaine. Beth was blessed to have you as you were her.
    love,
    LC

  47. I'm a bit late getting to read this, but God's timing is, of course, perfect. I had just gotten through writing to my sister, "I'm soul-tired," not more than a minute before reading your words:

    "You walk in good company. You are not alone in your weariness of heart of soul."

    Thank you so much for reaching out to bless others even in your time of pain. May God grant his peace in incomprehensible measure.

    Hugs,
    Betsy

  48. Oh, my dear… I have been on vacation for two weeks. I hate to rush through reading your posts, so I perused them first to see how life was going overall… and here I land.

    I am overwhelmed by your willingness to allow us to come into your private inner sanctuary… your need for time and yet… you think of us… You are a shepherd, dear one. Thinking of your little lambs and ewes… what comfort you have received from our Lord to so graciously give it to us.

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. May God be your comfort.

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