I’ve been thinking about the conversation we had back in August. The “I’m going back to college, and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life” conversation. Not an unfamiliar conversation between us. It surfaces on occasion, more so now that he is mid-way through his junior year at the university. Certainly, he has some thoughts and is working his way through a degree program, but there’s a nagging confusion that lingers in the shadows.
The unknown.
The unknown can be paralyzing, especially when you’re twenty-one and many in your peer group already have their five year goals in place and their resumes written. So often the unknown can foster paralyzing fear over adventurous faith, crippling insecurity over settled confidence. The unknown can keep a life stuck right where it is, walking in circles with feet shackled to the comfort of uncertainty. Yes, comfort. Sometimes it’s more comfortable to stay stuck in uncertainty than to move forward.
I’m not so unlike my son. I’m forty-five, and I’m still wrestling with what I want to be when I grow up. Some days, the unknown overshadows known truth, and I get stuck. Fear and insecurity creep in and the shackles around my feet seem an easier fit for me than the faith and confidence that is mine in Jesus Christ. Instead of progression, I regress. One step forward and two steps back isn’t in keeping with God’s growth plan for my life. Certainly, any forward movement is a gain, but at forty-five, I need to do more. With age, comes wisdom, and it’s time I started acting my age.
Acting. Action. A verb, not a suggestion. And so, I go back to that conversation I had with my son nearly six months ago, and I remember those few words I spoke into his confusion.
Try something new, son. Get out from behind your computer, get out of your dorm room and try something new… even if it’s uncomfortable. What’s comfortable isn’t working for you. It’s limiting your vision and keeping you stuck. Getting out into the world, meeting people face-to-face instead of on the Internet, is going to re-connect you to life. People and places—that’s where you’ll find it. Your dreams, your goals, the pulse that will move you forward into your “next.” It’s not in our DNA to stay put, to live inside. You’re a Killian… at the heart of it all, you’re a Killian. And Killians know that the best part of life is found in people. Go to them, son, and you’ll find your focus.
I’m pleased to report that my son has taken some new risks this year. He’s growing and maturing, moving into his own as his junior year unfolds. I see more confidence in his gait, more wisdom in his words, and I can’t help but think that just a few simple steps outside of his familiar are partly responsible for this ever-emerging transformation. He’s moving forward, and so must I.
Time to try something new. Time to get out from behind this computer screen and re-connect with life… face-to-face. As I look at my future, there are a multitude of unknowns looming on my horizon. The unknown could easily keep me shackled to my familiar. And while I cannot see much beyond today (and I’ve come to firmly believe this is a very good thing), I can take a few steps forward that will alter the course of my tomorrow. Just one or two baby steps to grow my confidence, to extend my faith. And then just one or two more beyond those initial ones. Before long… a lengthy accumulation of forward progression that will more fully transform me into the woman God intends.
A woman of adventurous faith and settled confidence. Oh to be her… even one little bit!
Movement wins, friends. With the cross before us, movement always wins. Keep to it. As always…
Peace for the journey,
elaine
PS: What steps are you taking to move yourself forward?
Oh, how I needed this today, my friend. Sometimes I just feel "stuck."
thanks for the encouragement to move forward. Have a blessed day!
This was a great post. How many times in my life have I found myself stuck? Don't think I could count them up. Every time life changed I drug my feet and had to push myself to my "next"…not sure why, just how I am. But your so right…life is after-all all about change and how we need the ever onward forward motion to our goal. 45 seems sooo young to me! haha I have got 12 years on you… soo much still in front of you. Have a wonderful day Elaine!
I have been thinking on your advice and have not yet found where to put myself but am looking and being open to it–praying God shows me a need and moves me forward. It isn't easy is it?
No, it isn't easy Terri. Along these lines, one of the small things I've done is to identify some personal interests and to make some phone calls pertaining to those interests. I'm in the "gathering information" phase of moving forward. There's something about putting "words" to ideas that hold me accountable. This is, perhaps, one of the hardest moves of my last 18 months.
But I'm willing. Something's got to change.
Prayers to all of you!
Exciting to see you moving forward and acting on your movement wins theme for this year, Elaine. Will be interested to see what God has in store for you. Keep us updated! 🙂
p.s. I'm moving forward this weekend as I go on a mission trip (posted about it last night). I didn't think I'd be going, but the Lord's direction came, so off I go — only by His grace and power!
Well, I just turned 55 and I'm still in need of hearing that advice…still trying to discover what I'm supposed to "be" or "do" at this stage of life.
Good things to think about.
Great stuff to ponder. Stepping out is hard, but I KNOW I need to.
Elaine,
Yes, "movement wins" – any kind of forward progress is better than letting our fears get the better of us.
Good post.
Blessings to you – Marsha
Moving myself forward sometimes seems like a "one step forward, two steps back" process of late. Prayer is what keeps me going, girl. Lots and lots of prayer.
I've been seriously thinking about making a big change. I'll share more with you later.
Love to you, Billy, and family…kiss those sweet young'uns for me! 😉
I am walking into new and very different ministry opportunities. Way outside the area of women's ministry which is my 'thing'. I'm venturing, with God's definite leading, into international student ministry. WOW!! What a wide open area of ministry. Great post!
I'm almost 54 and I really thought I would have a better handle on this thing called life by now! I have felt stuck for so long…but my 'stuckness' relates more to church than other aspects of my life. And while I've met many wonderful people sitting here in front of this screen…you are so right, I need to get out with people face to face. These days I'm spending time connecting with people online who will be a part of my life in our new location….and I'm excited about the future!
wifeforthejourney:
Still applauding the way you have charted your course over the last 18 months. Life has seemed to bring us more than our share of "unknowns" since our move. You continue to be a source of strength and courage to everyone under our roof, and plenty more outside our roof.
Love you!
Billy
I love you dear friend. I am praying for your son, and of course, for you. Keep moving on my friend.
Oh, my friend! You are her, and you're helping us be her as well. I'm about to try something exciting and new, but part of me is terrified. Who am I to think I can attempt something so audacious! What if I fail and people feel sorry for me?
My young friend and trainer at the gym keeps using the word, YOLO. "You only live once." So, YOLO to you and your son and to all of us who are standing on the precipice of something exciting. Take a leap of faith. God will catch you either way.
XOXOXO,
Brenda
I needed this. Thank you sweet friend. Seems we're all cut from the same cloth.
Elaine, I've missed you and I'm so glad to be here today to read this!
Your words resonated with me (as usual). "Movement wins"! I know the holy spirit guides me here so often just when I need to be reminded of something! Stop fearing the unknown…take some baby steps and get outside of familiar.
I actually have been trying to spend less time in front of the computer screen. I know exactly what you mean when you say that it's time to start acting my age!
That said, I also feel like "not" acting my chronological age! I want to stay young at heart… by learning something new and by spreading my wings in new ways and…"movement with the cross in front of me"!
I hope you continue to be healthy and full of energy. Bless you and your son! xo
Thank you for letting me peak into your life and thoughts today. Transitions, "moving forward," trying new things, stepping out…
Thank you, Elaine.
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com